What I learned when your baby is in the NICU

• Don't even bother putting mascara on in the morning. You are going to cry it off before the day is over.
• There is always a baby worse off than yours so be thankful inside and don't be quick to spout off how hard it all is.
• The nurses are generally a treasure trove of information. You might get the occasional weird idea, but most of it is good stuff.
• Get comfortable as quickly as you can with the cords/monitors/routines/equipment. You'll feel better.
• Guilt is your new best friend. You want to be everywhere at once. But try your hardest not to feel guilty. There is no way to be home as a wife, with your other children, and at the hospital with your baby at the same time.
• Let go of your expectations. Just show up and rock your little one. If you have good news that day, so much the better.
• They teach you things in the NICU that every parent should learn when they take a baby home.
• Take breaks for yourself, even if it seems cruel to leave your baby lying there without you. Don't feel guilty about it!
• When you find a nurse who really loves your baby, and who you get to know, leaving your little one becomes so much easier.
• Make friends with other NICU parents. It makes life seem semi-normal and they totally get what you are going through.
• It's okay to have mini-meltdowns. You just had a baby, your hormones are crazy, and coupled with the crisis, your stress is high.
• Don't be afraid to tell people they can't come visit today. Sometimes it only adds more stress, however well-meaning they are.
• Learn the rules as quickly as you can so you don't set someone up for failure (sorry little brother).
• The nurses really try hard to look out for you and your baby.
• Ask millions of questions. After they are answered it's easier to put the pieces together and feel like you know how your baby is really doing.

Probably the hardest lesson I learned in the NICU is that the worst thing you can go through is to be rocking your little baby, who is getting slowly better, and listen to the mom next to you racked with sobbing and grieving because her baby is dying and won't live through the night. The empty bed space the next day is haunting and lonely. It just doesn't get more real than that. It's all the more reason to be grateful that even though your are having a rough time, you should be truly grateful for the warm, breathing baby you are holding.

Still fresh from the experience, I am sure that my remembering will change over the years, and that I had an easy go of it really, since we were only there for a month. So many are there much longer and have far more touch-and-go moments. I feel oddly grateful for this trial in our lives. I feel that it has opened my heart and humbled me. When I feel frustrated with the after math we are dealing with, I try to remind myself that I got to take home a healthy baby boy when it was all said and done. So many parents don't get that chance.